Naturally each day we are surrounded by two predominant modes of thinking, one from a place of love the other from a place of fear.
Think about when we share with friends or family an intention we have, we likely hear two responses:
Perhaps we share that were thinking of changing our roles or careers, one person says why would you do that you have a great job what if you don’t find another as good. And the next person says oh good for you that’s exciting news.
Or maybe someone is about to enter the world of internet dating and one person says good for you I’ve heard loads of success stories, the next says oh crikey be careful I hear there are loads of weirdos on there. Even going out for the night, we might hear have fun or we might hear be careful.
The What Ifs of Life
We are subconsciously trained to think about what could go wrong, the What Ifs of life, which usually end in what if it all goes wrong (fear) rather than what if it all goes right (love).
It’s almost impossible to make decisions when they are surrounded by fear. I mean who would want to change careers and never find a good job or go online to meet a weirdo!
Fear-based thoughts leave us feeling anxious and can stop us going for what we want. But if the thoughts come from a place of love, they can free us rather than freeze us.
Indecision freezes us and is usually created through fear-based thinking.
The LIPSTICK Principles
In this excerpt from the book The LIPSTICK Principles – Let go of worry and fear, live in the moment and love life, there is a great technique to help us make decisions when the What Ifs and fear are freezing us.
This story is about Lou, who was unhappy in her marriage, but the same technique can be used for any scenario where fear has been holding you back from making a decision.
Lou was having a horrendous time in her marriage. She had struggled for a number of years and had regularly tried changing things at home to improve the situation. But nothing did change.
She was being worn down by the effort to try to make it work, while her husband did nothing.
Lou loved walking and exercise, her husband preferred the sofa and remote control.
She was upset a lot of the time, either sad about how bad it had got or angry at him for not trying. It was crunch time; she knew she had to either accept the situation for what it was or change something.
But she was scared… there were a lot of worries.
What if she felt worse outside of the marriage; if she was going to be on her own forever; if she regretted it?
Looking into the future
To help Lou find some clarity we used a simple technique of looking into the future and allowing the imagination to do the work. I asked Lou to imagine for a moment that she and her husband separated today.
Then, I asked her to fast forward, one year ahead.
The dust had settled and she was OK and he was OK so in the future it had happened and all was well.
Against that backdrop, I asked her to imagine what might be happening in her life.
‘Oh,’ she said, and her face lit up, ‘if it’s one year from now I could have started dating again. In fact, yes I have started dating again, and it’s my weekend without the kids. The guy I’ve just started dating has invited me to the Lakes and we are sitting on top of the mountain, drinking from a flask, and I’m really happy. I feel hope about the future and it’s good to meet someone who loves hiking like I do. It feels great.’
I could see how good she felt because she was glowing just imagining that scene. This whole picture was created from a place of love.
The other side of the coin
Next, ‘OK, so clear that image for a moment and we are going to do the same thing, fast forward one year but this time, you’re still with your husband and the situation hasn’t changed at all from how it’s been for the last couple of years.’
Immediately her body language changed, she slumped, and the colour drained from her. I could tell she was really seeing and and feeling it. She said, ‘Oh, it’s awful, it’s got worse, I can’t stand it.’
Although Lou had been so scared of making a change, in fact the bigger fear, the scariest thing of all came when Lou thought about how life would be if things stayed the same and nothing changed.
Big decisions are scary. But when you come to them from a place of love and imagine everything working out brilliantly, then you can have the strength to see things through.
Was Lou scared about making the change? Yes, of course. She worried about the impact on everyone of the decision she made. But the fear that nothing would change at all was so much bigger in the end than the fear of making the change.
From a Place of Love
Have you got a situation your not 100% happy with right now, maybe you’ve been thinking of changing jobs, or moving house, or getting fit.
Fast forward a year and see how it feels to be in your new role, your new home, your new body, and then try again when nothing has changed at all.
I bumped into Lou a year or so later, the dust had settled, everyone was OK, and she was just going off to the lakes for a weekend to climb a mountain!
Using your imagination to create images is super powerful, if the image or movie you create feels good it’s from a place of love. The more images we create from a place of love the more excited we are about the future. Images from love allow us to let go of worry, live in the moment and love life.