We are all searching for happiness and a deeper connection. That joyous feeling that puts a spring in our step. Some of us look for it in shopping sprees, beauty treatments or other people. We hope that happiness will be delivered like a parcel – wrapped up and packaged – and so pin our expectation on external things. As well as our own expectations, social media and advertising are regularly feeding our subconscious with images of society’s idea of happiness. It’s no wonder many of us feel overwhelmed or like happiness is out of reach for us. For many of us, happiness lies buried beneath insecurities and overthinking, to name but a few. We carry our fears around like road maps and souvenirs of what we’ve experienced.
In 2014, I suffered a heart attack. While I flatlined, my soul stepped away from my body to spend time with my late husband and other family members. My debut book, Dying to See You, recounts my experience and the lessons I learnt – the biggest being the understanding that we are connected to absolutely everything. This understanding, and the acceptance of the connection, makes life easier to navigate and happiness more attainable.
When we know, accept and understand this connection, our inner fears and insecurities can take a back seat, while we remain safe in the knowledge that the driving force is bigger than us. It is all under control.
There is no quick way to quieten the anxious and fearful voices within, or to accept our position in the universe but reaching a deep understanding of self and our connection to all that is, is well worth the inner work required. It’s an understanding that can change lives, shape futures and become our heartbeat of happiness within. With it, we can weather even our toughest days with a stronger anchor on life, sailing the stormy seas with inner strength.
The following ten steps have guided me at various life junctions, and I hope they’ll do the same for you.
Be honest with yourself
First and foremost, we need to be prepared to be brutally honest with ourselves. This doesn’t mean drag out your flaws and berate yourself in a private flogging, but it does require honesty around the good, the bad and the ugly.
Most of the time, it’s the positives people struggle to identify. In fear of sounding egotistical, many of us play down our skills, talents and kindness – now is not the time for shyness – this is between you and yourself, so be honest, and don’t skimp on the praise.
Observe your insecurities, hurts and fears
While this step may feel like one of your fears in itself, I promise it’s not that bad. I’m not asking you to relive painful memories, but to observe and be aware of them. Observing our past hurt can help us understand today’s actions – for example, a person who has previously been abandoned may find themselves reacting without thought when expectations of feeling secure by a loved one isn’t met.
Understanding the origins of our behaviour is one of the first steps to changing the story and how we react in future. It’s just one piece of the puzzle that is you.
Understand who we are at our core – love.
Our true authentic soul is within and patiently resides, buried under all our emotional attachments, waiting to be discovered and connected with. As I left my physical body, I also left any fear, worry, pain and insecurities. All that existed was unconditional love. This is who we are at our core; love!
Embrace your connection to everything that is
We’re connected to everything that is, we are a part of the whole. Everything we do, say and think ripples through the universe and effects it all. Those ripples also echo back to us, delivering exactly what we sent out. We are transmitters and receivers and we need to be aware that we will receive in our lives exactly what we put out. For example, if we truly believe we always attract the wrong men in our lives, then the wrong men will always appear.
Accept that you are enough
You are enough! Don’t compare yourself to others. We are all unique, beautiful individuals and are here to be ourselves. Celebrate and know you are an integral part of the whole.
Success is being who you are and knowing your worth. You cannot be Oprah Winfrey, she’s taken, but you can be who you are. Your natural connection to the universe is the only thing that is the same as everyone else.
When we truly know and believe that we are constantly connected, then we understand that everything we need to know is within. How you ask and manifest has a big role here. Know your manners, ask correctly and always be grateful when you receive.
Let go of your need to control
When we ask for an answer to our question or we manifest, don’t get hung up on how you think it should be delivered back to you. Speak it out to the universe and let it go. The answers and manifestations will always arrive in the best way the universe chooses to deliver. Be patient, know you’re worthy and let go of expectations.
The universe loves you; it always has your back and has nothing but unconditional love for you. So, we need to match it and be unconditional love. Everyone around you, even those who annoy or anger you are all a part of the whole and you are connected to them too.
They are a lesson or a reflection, so take time to observe the relationship through kind eyes and if it’s a lesson, what are you learning? If it’s a reflection, what do you need to change? Always treat everyone how you wish to be treated. We are all a strand on a spider’s web and if you break their strand you weaken your main structure.
Understand we all have a past, and everyone is fighting their own insecurities and fears. We all display these in different ways. We should love ourselves enough to not be a doormat or to be treated badly but we should love others enough to find understanding and love for them; even when that means we let them go and continue on our life journey without them.
Celebrate the joy in every day
Recognise your achievements and look for the blessings. That which we focus on multiplies. The more we focus on the good and recognise the joy, the more joy and blessings will flow into our lives. Our authentic soul is love, our very core is happiness and joy.
So, take the journey within, it won’t always be easy, but the reward is bountiful! You are a beautiful, powerful, loving soul deep in your core, connected to an amazing, powerful universe. The power to manifest your life and be abundant, joyful and happy begins with you.
The hardest and most rewarding journey is that of self-discovery.