Our friendships and relationships are to be cherished. They are one of the most important aspects in our human culture. So it is natural for us to communicate and connect with others. As we have moved through generations we instinctively want to be amongst people. Even if it is just having the knowing that people are around and there for us when we need them.
What is Neuro-Linguistic Programming
In my relationships with the people around me, my family and my children, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) has impacted the way I am a friend and the way I am there for the people around me who I deeply care about. It’s also helped me understand myself and to let go of a lot of judgement I used to hold towards myself. When I learnt NLP it showed me what was really in front of me and I suddenly truly noticed the people in my life.
We tend to misunderstand others all of the time, jumping to conclusions and tending to put our own meaning to the words people use without even realising it. Sometimes all it takes is to step back for a second and to take in what has really been said. We would find ourselves having a lot less conflict in our lives and we would really hear what others around us are saying; without our own distorted view on reality.
How I changed my warped belief system
My previous distortion of reality was that I was all alone and I was a victim. I perceived this because I had loads of limiting beliefs like not being good enough, not being worthy of having good things and not being able to hold down healthy, successful relationships until I met my husband.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming teaches us about the way the mind works, how we think, why we think the way we think and how we view reality. It also teaches us about our behaviours, why we behave the way we do and how to make changes to things if we are not fully satisfied with them.
I had a distorted view of the world and my place in it. In fact, my world was a very dark and bleak place to be until I learned about the power of the mind and why I was seeing my world in this way.
The thing that helped me the most was having this understanding, and being able to question and ask myself better questions when things felt negative or if I found myself projecting my personal meanings onto others.
NLP supported me to change the way I think, which brightened up my world. And I want to share these with you below.
Respect for the other person’s model of the world.
Respect for the other person’s model of the world is one of the major pillars in NLP. It’s the assumptions and beliefs that we have when we practise Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
To start with, you’d have to define your own “model of the world.”
Then start saying, “Be kind to yourself.” This really helps you to be kind to yourself the way you want to be communicated to.
Empowerment and taking personal responsibility.
‘Happiness is an inside job’ really comes into play here. It is important to remember that if our friends do not respond to us or reply straight away, it’s not about you and it is nothing personal. It’s most probably because they are busy, something came up, they did not see your call or message and perhaps they have been meaning to return the call/message but just haven’t yet got to it yet.
Take personal responsibility. Pick up the phone and follow up with the people you haven’t seen or talked to in some time.
When you are in a relationship, whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship, you may not be satisfied. You blame them. So they’re the reason you’re not happy or satisfied because they are doing this and that. The chances are, they have not got a clue what you’re feeling and thinking. And if you do not communicate it to them properly then they will never know. It’s also possible that you are projecting onto them limiting beliefs that you have about yourself. Like I did.
When we truly understand that happiness is an inside job and take personal responsibility we can enjoy our friendships and relationships to the fullest.
Understanding someone’s love strategy
We all have different strategies that we run in terms of the way that we feel loved, and how we feel wanted and heard. Absolutely everything that we do is in a certain order and sequence of behaviors and actions – internally and externally. If we want to understand what our friends’ love strategies are then this would help us to meet them if they ever require extra support.
If you know you’re a very visual person, and you know that for you to feel loved, you have to literally see that you feel loved. For example, buying you flowers and giving you a gift, seeing messages from friends — seeing something makes you feel loved.
If you are auditory this means you want to hear the words of encouragement. If you are kinesthetic this means that you prefer hugs and may be more of a hugger. When you know this about your friends you can really support them when they need you and you will feel a deeper sense of connection.
When we take a step back and view everything, it all comes down to communication. This is key. Communicating with your loved ones, your friends and yourself in the deepest way possible to support yourself and your friends to feel heard and respected.