This morning, spending time conversing with my Higher Self – a sacred, daily experience normally referred to as meditation, my mind wandered to what had happened and what hadn’t happened in 2018 even though I had planned for it.
My awareness was gently guided to question especially why certain wished-for events had not manifested.
I am used to setting my mind on something and making it happen, and I felt that I had failed, somehow. I felt lost, like I was sinking. Then, a thick, black cloud burst open right in front of my half-closed eyes. It was a powerful moment, of the type that I have come to recognize as a sacred shift in awareness; a step towards personal transformation. It always reveals something to me and it is always accompanied by an emotional bodily release.
No pain, no gain…?
That thick, black cloud burst and it was kind of frightening. It was unpleasant and I knew that there was more to come.
I could see that it had been operating for years.
Then, a revelation touched me at the depths of my being. I recognized an old, outdated thinking pattern. I saw that it was hindering the full expression of my soul, stopping me from truly enjoying my path, my purpose, the work I know I am meant to do.
It was painful. What was it, this out-dated thinking pattern?
It was the constant striving for perfection, a norm in the corporate world which had been my life for many years. It had long served a purpose, but did it make sense to bring it with me into my new awareness?
Exploding Outgrown Thought Patterns, What a Relief!
I let that burst black cloud linger. It was slowly dripping a tar-like substance. I could feel it drip-drip onto my head. And an inner voice said “no, enough is enough!”
I could feel in my bones that the need to ‘be perfect and deliver perfect results’ was still lingering. It was in stark contrast with and pushing away the sense of joy, ease and grace that I had started to feel.
It was halting my creative soul expansion.
An inner battle, I could see, was going on and had been going on for many years. Suddenly I was made very conscious of it. It hurt, but there it was.
Personal transformation is such a delicate path and it seems to have no end. At least that is how I feel, knowing that my stubborn little self has a lot more in store, ready to bubble up to the conscious mind. I used to be a co-conspirator, but I increasingly yearn to fully let go of whatever no longer serves me. Even if it is not always a joyful experience, what is felt in the end is pure Joy!
Interested to read more? “Food for your Soul” is a bi-monthly column featuring short posts for moments of reflection to look at life from a different perspective (should you choose to!). Invest 3 minutes and allow your thoughts to ponder. Awareness creates choice.